I am one of those people who love to learn and have always turned any boring or unusual encounter into an exciting adventure full of possibilities but from one moment to another I was lost in an emotional darkness.
This is coming straight from the heart for those who need it in theirs.
I almost switched careers, or to be honest, almost gave up on being a creator. I let fear ruin a chapter of my life. I went from being a person full of wonder and excitement to a being so afraid of failure my mind was curled up in a tiny ball not willing to open up and try anymore. I settled for a horrible job at Sears (no offense to anyone in retail) as a Merchandising and Customer Assistant. I became depressed and went on day by day with hidden sadness. I was disappointed, completely unmotivated and becoming bitter. “I have a degree! I’ve had jobs that pay better! I’m a failure.” It took me a while to realize when it was happening since I was experiencing an emotion I hadn’t too much experience with. Yes, my siblings bullied me but I only knew annoyance and happiness. I always believed I was great at seeing an imaginary, fantastical world but I found myself in a horrible store. I cleaned, fixed clothes, cleaned, watched drama from afar and analyzed people. I started to change my mindset and found an opportunity within the darkness I was feeling.
“How can this experience make me a better person? What skills can I learn here? What can this person teach me about myself? There is a reason why I am here at this point in my life, why?” My imagination started rolling, the possibilities started showing and then there was fear shutting me down.
I stopped caring so much about the little details. The excuses I would use to explain why I wasn’t ready to use my education and take my love for design to the next level. I used excuses to derail me from my journey as a graphic designer. Bills, money, family, friends, pets and everything about life was starting to become a burden. “The total of all these burdens are once what I loved about my life and now they are reasons why I’m not doing this or working on that? What’s wrong with me!”
It was a real battle inside my mind. I started questioning myself and reflecting on my experiences. My mind continued changing as I read books to feel motivated and inspired to continue on my journey. I was engulfed in understanding what I was feeling and how someone who never lost inspiration could just fall into such a dark place. I realized, life just happened. So I got up, learned and pushed fear aside. It’s easy to be afraid of failure and to be afraid of not being good enough but never let it hold you back. Of course, fear is always going to be around but I no longer live it. I just close my eyes and say “fuck it, let’s see what happens if I DO THIS!”
Remember to stay hungry. Stay confident. Always get back up. Learn, live and share but NEVER LET FEAR HOLD YOU BACK.